Coffee Turns My World

There's nothing to do but believe

Thu, 22 Jan 2009 21:31:32 GMT

Just believe.

I'm doing a lot better than I was in my previous entry. I'm packing, sorting, and smiling. I'm coming home FEB. 7th, and I CAN'T WAIT. It's gonna be a good thing for my life, even if it's going to be hard to say goodbye to my home in Moorhead, Minnesota.

Moorhead, Minnesota has been my home for the past four years, so it's going to be sad.
Berkeley, California was my home of old and will be my new home.

HOOWAH!

Good day #42

Sun, 21 Dec 2008 01:44:11 GMT

Having a good breakfast with Peet's coffee, and home made scrambled eggs and bacon. Decorating the living room and Christmas tree. Going to downtown Berkeley, doing some Christmas shopping, and running into two old friends. Walking hand in hand down the streets with my boyfriend. Laughing, having a good dinner, and going to sleep with a smile on my face.

I'm so glad to be here right now.

:)

My life in a song

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 01:52:45 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9XkdAB2FA4

Best Tea. Ever.

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 21:21:10 GMT

this is the most amazing tea drink i have ever made/had.

cinnamon and orange tea
with two spoonfuls of sugar
a nice squirt of honey
a helping of hazelnut cream

and tea'gasms happen.

LOVE!

(i'm going to make more, and put it in a thermos so i can drink cinnamon heaven while i dance in the snow.)

Playlist

Tue, 18 Nov 2008 05:15:42 GMT

Today was a good day. :) I woke up in a good mood, Blade made me great coffee, and we smoked together, just ourselves, which is something that doesn't happen often. It felt like a real treat. We took the bus to West Acres mall, where he spent fifty dollars on just having a good day. It was incredible, ladies and gentlemen. He bought me beautiful multi-colored spiral glass gauges, two new nose studs, and two earrings. Afterwards, we bumped into Phil and Delana on the bus, and I got to see their cute son named Tison. He's so adorable. I'm ashamed to say, I gushed. I bought a pizza, complete with hot wings and blue cheese (delicious), and began to watch Finding Nemo. Today's been one of those days where the air is cold, but the sky is perfect, and the trees seem enhanced with photoshop. Beautiful. That's a reason why I stay here in Moorhead, MN. That's a reason right there, guys.

My computer has given me a perfect playlist, and so here it is:

"What Else Is There" - Royksopp
"Ooh La La" - Goldfrapp
"What Your Soul Sings" - Massive Attack
"Cetacea" - Bjork
"Don't Whisper Lies" - Astaire
"Life In Mono" - Mono
"Melatonin" - Radiohead
"Extreme Ways" - Moby
"Psychobabble" - FrouFrou
"Backdrifts" - Radiohead
"Number 1" - Goldfrapp

:)

Amazing.

Eucalyptus love!

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 04:25:00 GMT

Today has been a pretty good day. :)

I was up until six in the morning, obsessively reading book after book until I could barely see. I believe I read about five books yesterday. It was great fun to be toasty warm, curled in blankets, watching the snow and drinking coffee.

Blade and I woke up four hours later and traveled with Mason to Erie.
There, we celebrated Blade's graduation, and I got attacked by two very adorable and sneaky kids.

From afternoon on, I lay in bed watching shadows and reading. It's weird that today was so good because I'm sick but at the mindset where everything is warm, fuzzy, and amusing.

The extra chocolate-y chocolate chip cookings were a total mouth blessing. Delicious.

Then there was giggling and friends, and some alone time with tea, Bjork, incense, popcorn, and a good book.

Baseman and Blade came over around the same time, and now Blade is watching a movie he got from his dad today, and I'm in the living room, feeling a strange feeling of bliss...

Early in the morning, rising to the beat

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 13:49:16 GMT

It's about 7:40am here, and there's snow on the ground. I have a mug of fresh orange juice and a scrumptious bagel, waiting until my stomach is full to start the roughly two miles walk to donate plasma.
Yesterday was Blade's birthday, and so friends and I took him out to dinner and bowling, and then we hung out at a friend's place for a good while. He got an awesome flash book of tattoos, which inspired him (at one in the morning) to whip out his superior gun and give himself a new tattoo. It looks pretty sweet, even though it's an eyeball hanging a rabbit. Boys will be boys, I guess.
Today I (as previously stated) am donating plasma, curling up in a comfy chair in a coffee shop with a book and a white chocolate mocha, and going out to dinner with Blade and his parents.
Life is good today.

I'm home

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 20:15:31 GMT

Well, it's true. I mean, not at the house on Hillegass because my parents moved.

I got to see the old house...and oh how I miss it.

But I'm here. Bezerklians, let's hang out.

The sweetest thing

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 07:38:21 GMT

Blade: Seeing the moon and stars reflected on the ocean was the second most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Me: What's the first?
Blade: <i>(without a moment's hesitation)</i> You.

:)

On Saturday, I'll have been going with Blade for a month. I'm getting ready for my CNA program, settling into my new goals, and right at this moment...

I'm feeling happy.

Playgrounds go round and round

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 04:11:18 GMT

Specially when you're on one of the things that spin. It's awesome.

Once again, I manage to drop off of the face of the earth.

However, at this point, there isn’t a whole lot to write about. It’s finally getting warmer here in Moorhead. It’s up to a constant at least thirty-fourty degrees. Holy hell, spring is finally here. I mean, it’s nothing like it is in Berkeley, where the flowers bring splashes of bright colors to the lovely shades of green, but it’s a great start. We don’t have this huge change from winter to spring back home, so I’m enjoying the sweet spring smells and the beginning of the melting snow.

I have my fifth body modification: a brand of a chinese character for wind in between my wings on my neck. Well, it didn’t start out as a brand. I let Blade do a tattoo (he’s a tattoo apprentice), but Dragon got ahold of the gun, and my skin rejected the massive amounts of ink. So, now it looks like a brand.

Today I met a whole bunch of Blade’s family. His gramma, his cousin, her boyfriend, hung out with his older sister, and his aunt and uncle drove by while we were walking. His family is pretty cool. I’ve been emailing with his mom out in Ireland.

I’ve been taking a bunch of walks lately, and it’s great to actually be able to stretch my legs in this area.

I’m starting to get nervous about my CNA program. I mean, I’m really excited too, because I love helping out, and I can handle stressful situations, but still...

To sum up, life’s not bad these days. Pretty mellow, chill, relaxing, and neat.

Hope all’s good for you guys! :D

Home

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 09:33:00 GMT

I am hoooooooooooooooome.

It's so scary to see my parents moving. Is that pathetic? Probably.

I'm so glad to be home, though.

Alive

Thu, 13 Dec 2007 02:14:40 GMT

Hallo there.

I am alive. The past two weeks have been interesting, and now it's the last week of school and there's finals. Uff da. I'm not even going to get into that, because I'm sure tons of you know already what goes on.
Dad's not doing well. It's hard to take.
I don't sleep much anymore.
I'm moving into my new apartment on Saturday.
I wonder what's going to happen with my school issue next semester.
And how this break's going to go. Interesting times.

Hope y'all are doing well.

Why do I post these...I'm addicted. Sigh.

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 02:22:30 GMT

Post a comment to this entry and I will...

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favorite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

Chewing gum

Tue, 06 Nov 2007 11:48:57 GMT

You like quiet times.
You have quiet times and want to be totally fucking out there.
You like being totally fucking out there.
You are totally fucking out there and want to have quiet times.

One just needs to steal a moment to sit back,
have a cup of tea (light a cigarette if one fuckin' wants it), and read the funnies or a damned awesome book.

...Or am I the only person that feels soooo much better after doing that?

Oh midterms

Wed, 17 Oct 2007 23:04:16 GMT

We're getting along okay.

I had a meeting with one of my professors and my adviser.That was a load of fun, let me tell you. They gave me compliments like, "You're passionate about the french language", "You have a gift with art", and "You have amazing goals that you're working towards".

However, my adviser also said, "This is a huge workload for you. Anybody could get sick from stress from the amount of this homework that you're doing. You may want to work hard, but you also need to manage time for relaxation. You might want to think about dropping a class. I'm not saying you'll have to, but it should be taken into consideration."

What's my response to that?

Fuckit. I'm gonna continue it. I should, I can, and I will. BZ's. All of them.

If I do collapse, that would at least be kinda funny.

Dear god, I really am nuts. Hah hah. How funny.

Update:

Tue, 16 Oct 2007 21:24:08 GMT

So. Guess where I am? The library. Oh, that's so unusual Jill. Hah hah hah, I'm so funny.

What have I been doing for the past week or so? Shutting myself in my room and doing homework, going to class and tutoring (albeit I have skipped cour de conversation, but I swear I'm going on Thursday. I absolutely can't today because I have five tests to study for, two papers to write, and at least one addition to print out. All to be done by today and tomorrow. )...

I like seeing people and chatting to them for a while, but I've become such a loner. If people and I do homework together, that's fine. Otherwise, I'm pretty much anti-social. This is not a diss towards anyone, but I prefer being alone right now.

What am I planning on doing over Fall Break? Nothing but homework. I mean, I'll hang out with people that are hanging around, but I want to get ahead on homework as much as possible because this doing nothing but homework thing is nice, but I need time to relax, and just get ahead on shit.

[/headbang on table]

What's the other positive thing about tonight? I won't be going to sleep. If you guys think I have bags under my eyes now, juuuuuuuuuust you wait until tomorrow.

Weirdly enough, I'm only mildly stressed, but I'm willing to do this because, hello, gotta keep up my grades here. Right now, I'm just spacey and very tired. No sadness, no unhappiness, none of that. Actually, today hasn't been a bad day. It's actually been a rather good day so far. I like that. :)

When something like a soul folds up like paper

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 21:34:12 GMT

Oh man. Yesterday was...pleasant. I like using that word to describe things.
Today so far has been good too, actually. I'm being a little anti-social, but that's because I'm enjoying hanging out in my room listening to the new playlist I made and doing homework. That's a little strange, I guess, but hey. You know, I'm having fun.
Plus, it's slightly cold, which I'm enjoying. Perhaps if I have time I shall head over to the gym to work out. Yeeees. That would be awesome. Well, I can't do anything with my feet, obviously. Perhaps I shall just wear sneakers and do calf, abs, and arms. And back. Shivvy.
I love being in a spacey state, but a happy one. Plus, I got to talk to my mom for over half an hour, which is always fun.

Sadly, there is a slight downside to today. My mother told me that Dad fell down yesterday and broke a door of the big china cupboard that we have. He got cut and bruised, and has to go get IV medecine tomorrow. He's fallen over a few times because of his right side giving out, but this is the first time it happened on the left. We're not extremely concerned, but there's a niggling bit of worry.

Well, off to dinner.

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 22:52:21 GMT

Would a sponge feel spongey? I'm that fucking tired. I'm not done. DAMNIT HOMEWORK.
DAMNIT WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE SO MUCH TO DO?!

Problem is, I might have to stay awake most of the night and only get a nap. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

FUCK YOU HOMEWORK.

All I want to do is collapse. Can I? Nope.

Dare To Go Over One Last Time

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 21:59:17 GMT

No sleep.

My 8:00 precalc class was hilarious. There was absolutely no talk about math. Instead, we talked about how men are visual microwaves and women are relational crockpots. Oh, and the issue of our school handing out condoms, bonding and babies. and how people (Tim included himself) do get grumpy when they don't get laid, but "good Christians don't get jiggy with it until after marriage."
I have a video of it on my phone. He asked me in the middle of class if I was, and I promptly replied yes, because it was so fucking funny.
I talked with my friend for a while, and scampered to the library for an hour and a half before printmaking class. That was fun, even though Sarah, Erin and I skipped an hour so we could go eat at the Norm and cut copper.
Now I am back at the library with no idea when I shall leave. I've been here for an hour, which makes a total of two and a half hours. I have a paper to type up, notes to take, a paper to at least get halfway done...and study for three quizzes and a paper tomorrow.
I'm not expecting to leave until...hmmm, it's almost four now, so possibly six or seven.
You know what the really sad thing is? When I get back to my apartment, I'm going to take a nap, and when I wake up buttfucking early in the morning, I will have to stay up so I can go to my classes and turn in shit, write paper, and take quizzes.
Bah.

Surprisingly positive news, folks!

Sat, 06 Oct 2007 22:00:25 GMT

So you lovely people who have been reading my entries, I'm sure you've all noticed that they're all emo and me bitching my situation out like no fucking other.
But nay, this entry shall not follow that recent trend!...Alright, I had one thing that slightly pissed me off but I will not let that ruin my day.
Anyhoo. Onwards to the awesome part of the past few days.
Firstly, on Friday I went to my Art History class that I love love love. Then my friend Jack picked me up and spoiled me to no end, which was pretty fucking cool. Onward to last night:
Okay. So, I don't know how many of you guys know this, but for the most part, I haven't been drinking at all, because when I tried, with the exception of one or two times in the summer when I got trashed, I didn't even finish whatever drink I was having, so I didn't see the point of continuing the drinking. I don't often go to parties because I'm doing homework, and all of that lovely stuff.
However, last night Sam (someone who's been a good friend of mine since the first week of my freshman year because we were in the same orientation group) called me up and we went and hung out at a party where I bumped into some good friends of mine. I actually split a coke and vodka with same (you know, when they put it in a coke bottle) and we finished it off. After that, we drove around for a while, and ended up at AJ's apartment. A few friends (they're all awesome and gay which rocks) were there, and we had fun goofing off. Afterwards, we went to another friends house and drank more, smoked, and got into awesome debates. I didn't get back until about 4:30 in the morning when I got a ride home from a guy I had met last evening.
Today, I rolled out of bed when my friend Siri called me around 12:45 and we went and had lunch together. A friend Stephanie that I haven't seen in around a year and a half with the exception of last night was there and we chatted for a while, before Siri and I walked over to the Rourke Art Museum where I had to pick out a print and write three short essays on it. We strolled to M&H and I bought a blue razz lollipop and a Starbucks Iced Coffe and got to see a cool guy I know named Charles.
After walking back, I began to recline in my apartment with a window open because it's an awesomely nice day where I can wear shorts and a t-shirt. I talked on the phone with one of my best friends named Nate, which always makes my day. We have a tradition of calling each other on Saturdays, which always rocks.
Tonight, I shall be going to a friend's apartment to a rather large party to see some people that I haven't seen in a while, I may possibly drink, and then head to the Johnny Holme concert and hang out there. So I'm really hoping that this day/night while continue to be bitchin'.
Crossing my fingers, anyway. So now I must go to watch a movie (Ghostbusters - one of my favorite movies of all time) and half-assedly do homework so that I don't have to cram everything in tomorrow.
So I am pleased and happy that I got to have this wonderful break, because it has made me feel happier than I have in a long long time. It's totally boosted up my mood.
I could keep talking about how happy I am and how this weekend has made me feel so so so so much better, but I think I would repeat myself over and over, and that would get pretty boring.
Therefore, smooches to you all!
Love,
Jillian

Black everywhere so paint it paint it for me tonight

Thu, 04 Oct 2007 22:26:38 GMT

Dear readers,

I changed into all black today. The only things that are not black is the bra I am wearing and the sock on my right foot. Why? Read on.

I woke up around 7:30 am with the intention of going to precalculus. I set my right foot on the floor, and that apparently was a very bad idea. It was in the standard brace because I sleep with it on for the fear that my toe would catch on the blanket and I would wake up from the pain. So, I began to stand up and I heard a small snap. This may ruin my reputation of having changed into a macho introverted heartless bitch into a sissy-pants, but that crack made me cry. I hastily swallowed my last painkiller, and sat on my bed feeling rather pathetic and sorry for myself until I fell back asleep from the medicine.

Jack came to the apartment around 10:15 and we drove to the first hospital. Yes, that first was placed there for a reason. I had a new x-ray taken (which I had them print out so that I can use it later in my aqua-tint print to express my frustration and let it out in a quiet and discreet manner) and found out some rather despairing news. That snap had been my toe breaking...again. Now my foo is broken in three places. This has also bent my fourth toe out of shape. The podiatrist poked harder than I would have liked, and Jack held my hand as my foot was being poked and prodded.

I had to go to the second (see why the first was placed in the first sentence in the former paragraph?) hospital where I had gone when I was taken to the ER and get checked out by another doctor. They renewed my perscription and gave me a walking cast.

I was told that I had to go back to the podiatrist in three weeks, and if my foot is not geting better, I will have to have surgery. Even with my insurance, I had to call my parents to inform them that we will be paying roughly $200.00 for my two co-pays alone. There is the crutches that cost $60 dollars as well, and the $40 for my perscription. So in total it is $300.00 so far.

Ug. This...is inconvenient to say the least. I'm still reeling from the news, and resigned to spend my night and majority of the weekend doing nothing but homework. To express my frustration, I shoved my 12 gauge tapered earrings through my 4 gauge holes. Now, normally when you gauge your ears they bleed because you are ripping your holes in your ears, and considering I stretched them from a 10 to a 4, you would think that would have been painful. Nope. However, I finally experienced this today, and am rather glad to know how it feels.

Now I shall end this entry, and begin a long night of homework. There is still no depression, no desire to drown my sorrows in alcohol, or anything of the sort. I am numb with the exception of being irked, annoyed, and sleepy from the pills. However, I am calm, and there will be no large break-down, tears, or exaggerations of my situation or feelings. Any conflicts or anything of that sort are irrelevant to me now.

Cheers to all, and I hope you all are well.

Jillian.

Here we go

Mon, 01 Oct 2007 03:43:47 GMT

Alright. So, I'm feeling better because I have nice medications that I can take for my foot.
I'm just slightly nervous about classes.
And people being douchebags.
But hey, I'll get through it. Right?

Well, I'll do the best that I can. Sigh.

Just go with the flow. It's a broken foot, but it's not that bad. I can do it. It's definetely going to be kinda difficult, and there are going to be days where my foot hurts like shit, but...we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Broken bones

Sun, 30 Sep 2007 02:40:15 GMT

Dear readers,

I am incredibly angry at this point in time. I had to go to the hospital today in an ambulance because I broke two bones in my foot. Actually, I didn't know that I had broken two bones in my foot, but I could see massive swelling and bruising, and I could not put ANY weight on my right foot. SO, I called 911 and they came and took me to the hospital, I got all drugged up and had x-rays, and the doctor comes in and says, hey, not only do you have bronchitis, but you broke two bones in your foot. Here's some massive pain killers and crutches. And the retarded boot thing. So, for those of you who see me at Concordia, I am going to look like a fucking dumbass.

FUCK THIS. I had to run around with bronchitis, and now I have to do that with bronchitis and a FUCKING BROKEN FOOT.

I had to call ASHRAF and beg for a ride. But he couldn't. Jack was supposed to pick me up but ditched me. An old woman gave me ten dollars to get home with Doyle's (a local cab thingy), so that was awesome. But...FUCK. I can't skip class, I have to do my homework, and I fucking don't know how I'm going to do this shit. FUCK.

FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK. I'm screwed. I can't give up, but I'm fucking screwed. FUCK YOU WORLD. FUCK YOU.

Love,

Jillian

What happens when there is no ending?

Mon, 24 Sep 2007 21:59:21 GMT

Oh my dear and faithful readers,
How can I properly express the frustration that I feel at this point in time? Please, don't think that I am angry with my life, my friends, or anything of that sort. I feel frustrated because of the overload of homework that I have and will have this semester. I have lost about 90% of my social life. Either I am in class, doing homework for those classes, in the art studio, in the library, or catching my breath in my sweet and humble abode.
The majority of my closest friends are 21 or over, and I have no problem with the fact that they go to bars and drink to their heart's content. I am concerned at the amount they go to the bars, and the amount that they drink. I have a conflicting feeling in my mind. I remember the good old days when I used to drink with the best of them, and forgot my stress in an amazing drunken stupor. There were so many amazing adventures to be had, and at this moment in time, I cannot be included. I do not bitch, I do not feel resentment or jealousy. There is still a part of me that desires to chug down half a bottle of vodka, but a larger part of me has no desire to venture out and place myself in that situation once more. I still like to smoke weed (I'm sorry, it's true) and if you give me a bottle of wine, I will be more than happy to attend these situations, but that is all I wish to drink. It is sad that my friends wish to drink and go to bars rather than leave campus during the day and include me in these gatherings, and that is the only bitterness that I feel. Perhaps it is also the fact that because most of my friends are older than me, they no longer ask me to hang out with them, and I refuse to ask them because I have done so before and failed. So, because my boyfriend is in Texas and my friends are busy, I feel lonely.
I feel mentally exhausted from the homework that I have, I wish for time to hang out with friends, I want to go to a fucking movie, Barnes and Noble, or a coffee shop but no one else seems up for it.
I have two hours before my tutoring. I should do homework before then.
But the sun is bright, I have coffee and cigarettes, I will get homework done and pray that I will finish all academic work before the end of the week so that I may set aside more time for my beloved studio and friends.
I study now and if I die, I pray the sky my soul doth take.
Truly yours,
Jillian

(Did I mention I actually prefer Jillian now to Jill? Please, don't ask me why. I just like it more...)

I Change My Metal To Please Mysel And No One Else

Sun, 23 Sep 2007 00:12:00 GMT

So Jillian, what did you do today?

Well, I went to bed at 7:30 am because I went to the Venue, went to Chase's and hung out with him and Becky, traveled onward to Matt's house (guy I met through Chase), where Ethan came, we ate delicious "cookies", and stayed up talking until Ethan and I went home. We talked for a little bit, and then crashed.

I awoke at two pm, because Siri called me to pick up some of her stuff, and we ended up going to M&H so I could buy cigarettes, and I felt the sudden urge to go to Discontent and repierce my Monroe. I LOVED that piercing. So, I got that done, and gauged my ears from a 10 to a 4. I was so surprised that I could go that far! I had my 10 tapered earrings in, and I had punched in my 12 gauge so that I could stretch them out, but the guy today told me I could've even gone to a 2. I decided to stick with the 4 though, just to see how it would work.

However, I'm now flat broke until next month, and I haven't been this happy in a long time. Yes, it's true, I'm not as social as I used to be, and -if- I drink, I hardly ever have more than one or two. I know that there are people (especially those who are from Nepal) that will be pretty damn surprised, considering that I used to chug vodka, whiskey, rum, and tequila with the best of them. I still smoke, but drinking...I dunno, dudes. It's weird.

But, I have tons of homework that I have to do, and it has got to get done, and so sadly it comes before anything else.

But I <3 you guys long time, and hope all is well.

Love,

Jilly-Bean/Juu-Juu